Trauma, Gaslighting, Self-Care, and Boundaries: What These Mental Health Terms Really Mean

If you read our last post on how TikTok sometimes misrepresents mental health terms like dissociation, mania, and OCD, you know we’re passionate about helping people understand what these words really mean. This follow-up dives deeper into that conversation. 

As more mental health language enters mainstream conversations, especially online, we’re seeing terms like trauma, gaslighting, self-care, and boundaries used in ways that don’t always match their clinical definitions. We love that people are becoming more open about their mental health, but we also believe that clarity matters. 

Let’s continue unpacking some of the most commonly misused mental health buzzwords and explore what they actually mean.

Trauma

On TikTok, it’s common to hear things like, “That exam was so traumatic,” or “I’m still traumatized from that text my ex sent.” While these uses aren’t necessarily wrong , trauma is subjective, it’s important to understand that trauma refers to more than just a bad experience.

In a clinical sense, trauma refers to an emotional response to an event or series of events that overwhelm a person’s ability to cope. Trauma often involves a sense of helplessness, horror, or threat to one’s safety, physically or emotionally.

There are different types of trauma:

• Acute trauma: A single distressing event (e.g., a car accident).

• Complex trauma: Chronic trauma usually occurring throughout childhood

Trauma impacts the nervous system and can lead to symptoms such as flashbacks, anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, and dissociation.

When we label every unpleasant experience as “trauma,” we risk diluting the term and overlooking the severity of trauma-related disorders like PTSD and Complex PTSD. It’s okay to say something was hard or painful without needing to pathologize it.

Gaslighting

“Gaslighting” has become one of the buzziest buzzwords online. You might hear someone say, “She gaslit me by saying I was overreacting,” or “He forgot my birthday, total gaslighting.”

Let’s be clear: Disagreeing with someone or being thoughtless is not the same thing as gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a specific form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make another person doubt their own memory, perception, or reality—often to gain control or avoid accountability. It’s common in emotionally abusive relationships and can sound like:

• “That never happened—you’re imagining things.”

• “You’re too sensitive, it’s not a big deal.”

• “You’re crazy, you always make things up.”

Over time, gaslighting erodes a person’s self-trust and can make them feel confused, anxious, and dependent on the abuser for validation.

Misusing the term for everyday disagreements or miscommunications waters down the reality of emotional abuse. It’s important to save the term for situations where there’s a consistent pattern of intentional distortion of another person’s reality.

Self-Care

We love a good face mask or bubble bath, but self-care is more than spa days and retail therapy.

On TikTok, self-care is often framed as indulgent or aesthetic: candles, crystals, smoothies, “treat yourself” vibes. And while those things can absolutely be nourishing and restorative, the clinical concept of self-care is broader and sometimes... not so glamorous.

Self-care refers to the practices we engage in to maintain our physical, emotional, and mental well-being and there are eight categories we can take into account when we want to assess self care. These self-care categories include:

• Physical: Including things like sleep, moving our bodies, taking medication

• Social: Spending time with friends, family, or even just getting out of the house

• Emotional: Journaling, going to therapy, talking about our feelings

• Mental: Reading the news, completing Wordle, learning something new

• Spiritual: Going to religious services, spending time in nature

• Environmental: Cleaning our room, dimming the lights, moving to a new neighborhood

• Financial: Saving money, spending money on something in line with your values

• Recreational: Going to a concert, taking a yoga class, laying in the sun

Sometimes, self-care means doing the boring stuff, like paying bills, brushing your teeth, or putting your phone down and going to bed on time.

When we treat self-care as only fun or indulgent, we may neglect the foundational habits that actually keep us well. Self-care is a practice, not a product.

To learn more about what self-care truly is, check out our presentation titled “Self-care: Beyond bubble bath and bon-bons.”

Boundaries

Boundaries have become another go-to buzzword, and it’s exciting to see people talking about them. But online, boundaries can sometimes get twisted into something else entirely, like control or avoidance.

You might see statements like:

• “I have a boundary where you can’t be upset with me.”

• “My boundary is that you can’t ask me questions about my behavior.”

• “If you don’t agree with me, you’re violating my boundary.”

Let’s clarify: Boundaries are about what you will do to take care of yourself, not about controlling what others do.

A healthy boundary might sound like:

• “If you continue yelling, I’m going to end the conversation.”

• “I’m not available to work after 6 p.m.”

• “I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.”

Boundaries protect our time, energy, and emotional health. But they require clarity, consistency, and follow-through. When misused, boundaries can become a shield for avoiding accountability or shutting people out unfairly.

Language Matters

When we use mental health terms with care and accuracy, we help build a culture of clarity, respect, and compassion. Misusing clinical language doesn’t just create confusion, it can make it harder for people who are genuinely struggling to be seen and understood.

We’re not here to shame anyone for getting curious or trying to put words to their experiences. We are here to help deepen the conversation.

So yes, keep talking about trauma, gaslighting, self-care, and boundaries. And let’s also keep learning together. The more accurate our language, the more powerfully we can support ourselves and each other.

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Calm Mind Therapy is a boutique mental health practice located in Ardmore, PA, specializing in the care of children, adolescents, and adults. Our mission is to provide the Main Line with high-quality mental health services for all ages. Our goal is to help our clients achieve emotional well-being and build a life worth living. Serving clients in Ardmore, Bryn Mawr, Wynnewood, Narberth, Radnor, Lower Merion, Haverford, Havertown, Villanova, Swarthmore, Devon, Berwyn, Malvern, Bala Cynwyd, and more.